Looking Up

Have you ever been in a position to where you had no other choice but to look up? Not necessarilry lying flat on your back from a fall or something, but having so much going on in your life that your so overwhelmed and confused. These past several days, I have said things to people that I thought I would never say. Not being ugly, just bluntly honest and matter of factly speaking. Today especially was tough. A day when you think everyone else is an idiot and that the only way to do things right is to do them yourself.

I found myself looking up many, many times asking why. It's not the first time I've done it-this past month I've done it probably a thousand times asking why is everything so wrong? Why is everything falling on me? If its not one thing, its something else. Fix one problem-another one arises. It never ends!!!!!

As a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, doctor, caretaker, ect....(the list goes on), my life is full-yet I feel empty at times. I stay so stressed out over worrying about others and taking care of everyone else that my joy for life is zapped from me. My family comes first before anything. My husband before my children. I take care of everyone and I love doing it. If I didn't, I wouldn't have the job I do now taking care of the elderly. I love those people and they need me too. I'm not complaining by no means...this is who I am. My stress, my worries come from the not knowing. I can see a nice future-but things are so dim right now. I do see the light at the end of the tunnel though. I know that God is in this, because he has just brought us though a critical issue. God has reasons for what he does. We dont' understand and we probably don't even like the outcome of some things, but if there is one thing that I do believe it is that God will never forsake us. God doesn't intend for us to suffer and hurt. We all make stupid decisions from time to time and its unfortunate that we have to pay the price for those mistakes sometimes-but it happens. God is here-but when there is a lesson to be taught through a mistake-it comes though loud and clear. My faith grows stronger everyday. I know I need HIM more than anything else that I have. I am starting to understand faith more and more everyday. Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. How great is that. You got to believe.

I still have my days, everyone does. But when I have a day like today, I take a minute to look up and say a few words. I'm very thankful that I can do that. It helps me get through some tough spots.